Life is a highway.

I was dumped by the one person I believed honestly loved me. And I did nothing. Instead, I assumed we could still be, at least, best friends. And then, few days later, I felt so stupid. I was cheated. I thought I loved the right person. I was upset by the fact that he was always my priority while I was only one of his many OPTIONS. And yes, when I say options, you know what I mean.

I don’t know how to handle all this. Maybe it’s right that I can’t understand him because I don’t know him that well. He didn’t let me know him that well. And he’s wrong; he was very mean to me. Why in the world did you not say something so that I would not get false hopes? Before you went away… before you got sick of me…before you forgot there was something between us…before anything else. I can’t understand that. Why you lead me on to believe something that was never true in the first place.

I can’t say I’m surprised at the entire situation. After all, you stopped calling and texting me back before September, you stopped saying, "i love you", and you didn’t replied with mine’s. Talk about dishonesty. Saying you’re not a good liar; you’re a great one - to lead me to believe that you loved me. Then saying you’re not sure you ever actually did. That was mean. It was very mean for you to put ideas in my head… giving me hope. You talking about you being grounded that’s why you do not have your phone. You talking about your friendship between that girl. Remember, I remember everything you said. You were the one who was so nervous to meet my family so I thought it actually meant something - that I actually meant something to you.

I was never looking for the love of my life like it came across. I was just looking for a best friend - someone to do things with, someone who didn’t mind my goofiness or the rest of me. I hadn’t had an actual friend in so long when I met you. And now I don’t think you ever even liked me… even as a friend. I told you from day-one that I had severe abandonment issues and suddenly you’re gone. That’s not the way to treat a friend so we must not have ever been friends, in your eyes. The friends I make in life, I cherish because I know I don’t get that many chances and you threw me away like I was expendable. People are not expendable!

I had no idea that my consistent 24-hour-care annoyed you. I thought that you liked it because you were the one who was texting so much at night in the beginning. It just kind of stuck. I was simply following your lead because I knew you had never been involved in anything like it before. And yet, you ran off anyway. Remember when you got down for a weekend and I was scared of you shutting down on me. I wasn’t afraid of being alone at the moment or whatever. I was afraid of this happening… of you shutting me out entirely. And look! it happened anyway.

After one conversation, you shut me out entirely. You said we grew apart… we didn’t grow apart; you fell apart. And tried to blame it on me. You’re the one who couldn’t face himself in the mirror. I’m not scared of what I am or what may happen.

My senior life in high school was spent with nights full of tears and heartaches. You gave me emotional and as well as psychological stress. I grew up afraid. Poor. Scared. Ugly. And afraid. But I grew up. I went off and found myself and came back a much stronger person. And I hope, your own self, you will too. I hate seeing you so down all of the time. And so afraid of your own reflection.

I think you lied to me Wednesday night when you said you were sorry and you didn’t mean cheating on me. I think the entire relationship scared you and you ran away. Not from me but from yourself and what you were becoming. If you were with me, it meant you were one thing and that scares you. So you used the only excuse you could think of, the one you knew would kill me.

I would hope that in those 8 months you would’ve learned something about me. I don’t let people go; they let me go. I stand beside them no matter what, unless they tell me to leave. I’ve been told that I’m like a cookie - hard on the outside but a gooey and soft on the inside. And I break easily. I try my hardest to hold onto people but they still leave me. Do you know what that’s like? More than anything else in the world, you really should’ve just shot me last April 9; it would’ve been less painful than to be told you weren’t loved. AGAIN.

I’m sorry that I took up your time and I wish you lucked with everything. Please never again tell someone you love them, if you really don’t. Well, I am moving on. And one more thing, I could have been the best thing you ever had. But you let me go and you looked for a lower level of creation. It’s your decision. After all, it wasn’t me who did something wrong. It was you who CHEATED. Good luck and God bless you.