Life is a highway.

It’s been a long time since I went here.

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

Here in Tarlac since the 18th. Been in a kain-tulog-kain-tulog-tulog-ulit routine. I’ve been so lazy these past few days that I’ve never done anything. Well at least I have tried answering my Chem 14 problem set and doing our CHEM LAB molecule model. Haven’t finished other school stuff yet.

I have been busy thinking about how to spend the few days of 2008. there’s only almost a week left. I want it memorable. Kept me wondering what to do. Been reminiscing about the past months. Analyzing and evaluating what the year has done to me. In the end, I thought it’s a better idea to ask my self what have I done this year. ^^

Oh yeah. So idealistic of me. This 2008 was wondeful. I had my high school graduation, passed the UPCAT, entered UP, enjoyed the first sem of biochem, joined ORGANIZATIONS, met new peeps, gained new friends and had fun experiences. To think that I lost a loved one this year, had problems and gained weight, it’s so optimistic of me.

Maybe it’s true. It’s my OPTIMISM, though it isn’t obvious. Yesternight I got a text message from some random number not saved in my phonebook. It said, “We can’t change realities. The only thing we could do is change the eyes from which we view them.” So true.

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

And I’m missing you.
Yeah. It’s you whom I’ve been thinking through.
And from the moment you laid those pair of eyes on me, I fainted.
It’s the feeling, the heartbeat iIve ever wanted.

I went and searched
Searched for those pair of eyes
But I never found them.

So I walked through and went away
I feel it, my heart is in tears.
But as I stepped into the portals I looked back
At the spur of the moment, my heart jumped!
I saw those pair of eyes again.
Those which are brown and pale, yet brimming with emotions…

YES. currently,
you are my brand of heroine.

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

DJAMONDZ STUFF

I am terribly missing my high school friends. For those who are asking if we will have a reunion-slash-get-together-party-slash-kwentuhan-sessions, Veronica is the one in-charge. She volunteered her place in Dolores kasi eh. We just haven’t settled the date. For suggestion andinquiries, call or text her, me or gerundio. ^^

I miss wendy, gm, juca, ged, mena, nikka, kambz, crush, cupcake, bespren, bolos, yvette, marlene, magday, mau, tatit, bae, jen, shari, januzs, anne, mye, mica, basyang, roy, janine, meh, einz, joy, cath, pam, karen and OTHERS. (Sorry, you know who you guys are. )

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

Wanna know something weird? This vacation, I’ve been in an unsual sleep pattern. I sleep at 4am-9am, 1pm-2pm and 5pm-6pm. Watdahel. Parang class schedule lang ah.

And what am I doing until the wee hours? The usual frou frou. I play vanity using my dad’s phone (hope he doesn’t discover my vanity pictures in his phone), write (yes. i am currently writing a story. hopefully, it will not follor the footsteps of my previous stories which were all dumped because they stayed as intros and chapters1-3), blog (like what I’m doing right now), surf the net (I go on random sites and explore. plus, i CONSISTENTLY visit someone’s site. it’s fun! haha. STALKER STALKER STALKER MUCH.) and think about things as I lay on my bed.

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

Kilala ko na ang crush ni Gem. Kilala ko na si Jellybean!

THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM THIS IS SO RANDOM

Spending the few days left of 2008!

change. This is what has been imposed to me these past few days.

I believe I have changed a lot but in the aspect of becoming better. It is actually our prerogative to change. It is our choice to become better towards who we ought to be.

However, I am bothered by the fact that few people have told me today that I have changed. That I am different.

I honestly don’t know what they mean. I just have this idea that they are actually the ones who have changed and they are throwing back the blame on me.

It’s just Newton’s Third Law: every action has an equal but opposite reaction.

They say I’ve changed because of some decisions I made. And since there is already an established commotion with that decision, they started to act differently.

akala lang nila ako yung nagbago, pero actually, sila.

As much as possible, I do not want to make this a bigger issue. I know I am still the same. I even asked my friends. We have the same thought.

Yeah. Friday is the FR-day. Evaluation of my “students”
Hopefully, they will pass the exam.
*transition*transition*transition*

i arrived at my campus past 7 am. fortunately, i was just in time for my first subject: MATH.
oh well. we were asked, “Why do you hate/not hate math?”
Grabe. Ayan na naman iyang tanong na iyan. Naalala ko tuloy fun memories ko with Math.

First time kong na-encounter yung Math nung mga 4 years old ako. Pumapasok ako araw-araw sa isang Day Care Center na nilalakad lang namin ng Nanay o Tatay ko tuwing umaga. Naaalala ko pa yung routine ng klase namin.

Alas Diyes ang pasok namin. Syempre, magdadatingan ang mga bata kasama ang kanya-kanyang sundo. Kadalasan si Mommy. Minsan si Daddy, Ate, Kuya, Yaya, Kapitbahay. Sila yung may bitbit ng back pack ng alaga nila at may bimpo sa isang balikat.

Tapos, sasabihin ng teacher ko, “Okay. Kids, we will start our class. Say goodbye to your parents.”

Pagkatapos sabihin ng teacher ko ito, magsisimula ng umiyak at humagulgol ang ibang bata. Parang teleserye lang.

(PAUNAWA: Hindi ako kasali sa mga iyaking bata.)

Tapos, kapag nasa loob na ang lahat, magdadasal at kakanta ng I’m a Little Tea Pot. Tapos Chikading. Tapos yung isa pang kanta na nakalimutan ko na yung title. Eto yung lyrics:

Hindi ko alam kung fruit salad ang title niyan. Kawawa naman yung kakain ng fruit salad na papaya, saging at banana lang yung ingredients.

Pagkatapos kumanta, papaupuin na kami at magsisimula na siyang magturo. Ipapalabas niya yung crayola, lapis at drawing pad namin. Payabangan pa noon. Hindi ka in kapag hindi bakal ang pencil case mo. Poor ka kapag 8 colors lang yung pangkulay mo. At wala kang ipagyayabang kapag nakalimutan mong ipagawa sa Nanay/Tatay mo yung assignment ninyo.

Palagi lang kaming nagbibilang noon. Bibilangin mo yung mga shapes sa loob ng kahon.

Yun yung unang pagsasalubong namin ng landas ng Math.

*transition*transition*transition*

Maaga kaming pinalabas kaya naglibot muna kami. Ngayong araw, si Jess lang ang kasama kong kumain ng lunch.

At dahil madami pang oras, nagawa na naming magpalitan ng talambuhay.

*transition*transition*transition*

Math na naman. Pero ok lang. Masaya naman ang Math 73 kay Ma’am Wenky.
*transition*transition*transition*

Biyernes. Ayoko munang umuwi. Naglaro muna kami ng basketball. Tapos napagod kami kaya bumuli kami ng maraming mineral water.

Habang nagpapahinga kami, nainip kami kaya naglaro kami ng Truth or “Konsinkwens”

Kapag truth, ang tanong, “Who is your crush?”

Kapag “konsinkwens”, ang ipapagawa sa iyo: Isigaw ang pangalan ng crush mo.

Fair enough?

*transition*transition*transition*

and I heard him say those words…

*transition*transition*transition*

simula umaga, kinakabahan ako. wala naman akong problema. bakit kaya?

THE IMPARTIALITY OF LOVE

I looked at him, he stared at me.

I asked for water, he gave it free.

I offered my hand, he held it tight.

I made a trick, he got it right.

I asked him a question, he answered it.

I made it complicated, he still got it.

I cried; he stopped me.

I am sad, he made me happy.

I felt alone, he stayed by my side.

I asked for honesty, he never lied.

I was so happy, he might as well be.

If you will ask him, I think he’ll agree.

So finally I told him, “It was you whom I am loving.”

I cried.

Because he said, “I am sorry, I was just playing.”

DO YOU LOVE ME?

I fucking care for you.

And I hate it.

Do you love me?

Answer please.

Because I love you.

RUNNING AND WAITING.

It has been months.

I am waiting for you.

Day and night you conquer my thoughts.

You are waiting for me.

Day and night I conquer your thoughts.

Running is tiring.

And so is waiting.

HEARTBREAKS

I fell apart.

Broken and shattered.

I stood up.

Firm and confident.

I found you.

Loyal and true.

I liked you.

More than others do.

I thought of you.

Day by day.

I fell for you.

Deeply and secretly.

You knew about it.

Too early.

We went out.

More than the usual.

I love you.

Oh so true.

I thought you fixed me.

But you’re just like the other.

You just tried, but you have broken me again.

LIKING AND LOVING EACH OTHER

You were my inspiration.

College motivation.

I said I like you.

And you had no reaction.

But, oh well.

Come on.

I know you miss me.

Because you like me too.

What the..I sooo miss posting here in my FS blog. I have been updating six blogs for the last few months so I didn’t find enough time for FS.

Anyway, I am still the same. Though some things have changed.

I am sad because:

-the first sem is over

-the sembreak is too long and boring

-classes are starting soon, and that means going back to the TOXIC lifestyle - sleepless nights, ugly eyebags, lots of pimples, piles of school works - the worsts you can think of.

-my first sem grades SUCK. :(( i should have taken my subjects seriously.
I am happy because:

-the classes are starting soon. (meh..obviously i am trying to be optimistic. as if i had the choice)

-i am going to see my blocmates, friends and all the people i WANNA see. unfortunately, makikita ko rin yung mga ayaw kong makita.

-i have math73 and chem14. the hell. mahihirapan ako sa mga yan for sure, so mag-eenjoy ako. wahaha.

I am hoping that:

-at the end of this sem, at least, college scholar ako. (CS)

-i will kick ass this sem

-my 3 orgs will make me busy. sana may productive activities.

-i will make new friends especially dun sa other blocs.

-i will fulfill my obligations
—————————————————————-

PLURK STUFF

I am loving plurk. Pero I promise to stop pag nagsimula na ang secong sem. I wanna be a CS, so expect me to be soooooooooo GC (Grade Conscious). Don’t worry, I will still be maingay, cuddly, and happy all the time. Normal lang. Just imagine me na NAG-AARAL. (Ok fine, alam ko di bagay sa kin yan)

—————————————————————-

THE RAINMAKER

I just finished reading The Rainmaker by John Grisham. Ang galing talaga. For the full story, visit my blog at http://sweetanxiety.blogspot.com/2008/11/legal-pad.html.

—————————————————————-

MICHAEL CRICHTON

Aww. One of my favorite authors passed away last November 4, Tuesday. :((

—————————————————————-

SNICKERS is LOVE

Demn. I am addicted to SNICKERS. Almost everyday kumakain ako nito. But I promise I will minimize my expenses. Kailangan kong mag-ipon.
—————————————————————-

DJAMONDZ

I miss Djamondz. Once a Djamond, Always a Djamond.

Never will we forget the memories that we’ve been through.

Because through it all, our number will always be 62.

—————————————————————-

FAMILY

I miss Mama, Daddy, Bing and Rolan. I miss the house, I miss my room, I miss the guitar. I hope palagi silang ok.

—————————————————————-

MATT LONG

OMG! Matt Long is so freakin’ HOT! He doesn’t make me sleep! Ha, ha, ha. After watching Sydney White, I got hooked on him! I even watched Sydney White for thenth time just to see him. Ha, ha! Yeah.

I envy Amanda Bynes. She got all my crushes.

—————————————————————-

That’s it. I think I need to set my mind for school. I wanna excel this sem.
Just like Rudy Baylor, I too will be a rainmaker.

JOANNE

~There is sunshine after the rain.

[giecel, lemme borrow your words.]

WALA NA. IT’S OVER.

i’m just so happy right now. everything is fixed. no more hard feelings. no more scandalous posts and blogs. it really feels good.

TO SOMEONE: i’ve already said this. I’M SORRY. i didn’t mean to hurt you. i am happy to bring back the good relationship we had before. happy to be your friend. take my blessing to you and your boyfriend. i pray for the both of you.

_joannii

it was 5 pm when i went down the building after my comm 1 class to see my friends. they’re actually my blockmates  who had other professor for comm 1. at ayun, we had our crazy chit-chats over our crushes

———————————————————————–

jessica: oh, kamusta?
ako: ok lang..so panu ung report?
jessica: week-end, hati nlang tayo.
ako: ok [di ako mahilig kumontra tulad nung IBA jan para lang mapansin]

aj at ciacia: magwiwithdraw muna kmi.

[silence...]

jessica: tignan mo ung mga guys dun..ung mga suitors mo? haha.
ako: ha? ahh..oo nga, hinihintay nila kong umuwi.
jessica: alin dyan?!
ako: lahat. tignan mo, serious sila. sabi nung isa, "pare, pustahan tayo ako pipiliing kasabay ni joanne sa pang-uwi."

[tawanan...]

jessica: ikaw talaga!
ako: oh, bakit ako? kaw ung nagsimula eh. malay natin, totoo pala un. haha.
jessica: bahala ka nga!

[i would like to acknowledge the arrival of aj and ciacia]

ciacia: [mukhang yinurak-yurakan ang pagkatao]
ako: oh, anong nangyari?
ciacia: ahh..huhu…ahhhhaha..ahhhhh!!!!
aj: nakapture yung atm card niya, mali ung pin.
ciacia: ahhh…ahuhuhuhu…hee..huhuhu..ahhh..
aj: tatlong attemps na mali eh.
joanne: bkita ganun?
ciacia! ahhhh!!!!! huhuhuhuh…ahhheee!
aj: ung pin daw ni mama niya ung nae-enter niya. monday pa daw makukuha ung card.

[pansin ko lang, parang interpreter si aj ng kakaibang language ni ciacia...]

—————————————————————————————————

umuwi na si jessica, unti-unti na ring umuwi ang mga suitors ko. walang tumagal in short. [kung may ka-block akong mkkbasa nito, wag sana ninyo akong sasabihang makapal. confident nlang :D]

si jessica umuwi na, dumiretso sa O.U.R.
si aj, ciacia at ako ay nagpabandang taft avenue.

aj: may tanong ako.
ciacia: ano un?

[may ibinulong si aj kay ciacia. ciacia: di ko magets kung nakikiliti o kinikilig.]

ciacia: friend, kanina pa daw niya gustong itanong ito sa iyo.
ako: ano yun? [lubdub-lubdub-lubdub....]
ciacia: kc…ano daw…ahmm…
ako: sige na, promise hindi ako magagalit. [kinakabahan ako]
ciacia: sino daw crush mo sa block natin?

NGEEK!!

ako: akala ko kung ano na!
aj: wla naman, naisip ko lang.’
ako: madami eh. haha.
ciacia: sige na friend, tayong tatlo lang naman eh.
ako: ok, binabase ko kc sa itsura at ugali eh.
aj at ciacia: *excited*
ako: [CENSORED...]

—————————————————————————————————–

nung lunch time, xempre saan pa ba kami kakain? sa banal na robinsons. food court. imaginin mo: maraming nagtitinda na iba-iba ung pangalan (sizzling galore, hot and spicy, kamay-kainan, etc.) pero pare-pareho ung tinda, madaming white na upuan, may 360 degrees na tv - equal food court ng rob.

ako: nag-eenjoy talaga ako sa philosophy!
jessica: i second the motion.
dame: nakakatuwa kc si sir eh.
aj: motion recognized. ako rin.

at biglang humirit si precious gem…

gem: may girlfriend na ba i sir?!

[tawanan...]

ako: SANA WALA!

[bahala ka na sa interpretasyon mo sa sinabi ko...]

—————————————————————————————————-

siguro, iniisip mo kung sino talaga ang crush ko. magbibigay ako nga clue. note: bawat numero, ibang tao. one clue per crush. ibig sabihin: kung gaano kadaming clue, ganoon kadami ang pinagnanasaan ko.

1. mahilig sa coffee.
2. di mahilig sa coffee.
3. maingay.
4. tahimik.
5. palaging mag-isa.
6. palaging may kasama.
7. tall, dark and handsome.
8. meron ding tall, white? and handsome.
9. matalino.
10. etc. [isama mo na dito yung mga hipon, lollipop at sabaw.]

yun lang.

For so many days after my enrollment, finally, the fact that i am a UP student - ISKOLAR NG BAYAN, as they say, has finally sinked in me.

I woke up around four this morning. It’s too early for my case since i used to wake up around 12 noon during summer. maybe the excitement for school - and much more for college was the reason.

The was no regular classes yet in our block. So all activities went around college,  department and other kind of orientations.

I also got my ID today. At last, i can finally wear my ID with its screaming maroon strap which tells everyone i meet, "UP student ako!"

The first day was fun. We had chit-chats while waiting for our very accommodating FBC (peace kuya maqel!), exchanged stories while sitting in front of the oblation, ate lunch at Robinson’s, and other things that would keep us busy.

Anyway, there was something important I learned today: the noblest journey is the journey for EXCELLENCE.

Mabuhay ang mga ISKOLAR NG BAYAN!

Please read my blogs. Take time to see also my previous blogs. I have 19 posts here. Drop some comments on them. I promise you’ll never waste time on them. Enjoy!

The darkness of the night engulfs me. The pain you brought me consumes my whole being. I am completely lost in this abyss of sadness, drowned in this prodigy I never meant to suffer. My heart has been wrecked by the reality that I was misled by deceit.

The whole incident has improperly changed me.

My agony provoked my mouth to deliver words that bled the hurt I’ve gone through. I know these words might also hurt your feelings, but I am sorry. I just can’t resist myself in putting my emotions and ideas into text because this is the only way I find relief. Every detail of the past clutters in my mind and continuously tortures me. I know you may be annoyed and pissed off with my previous posts but you can’t blame me. This is the only way I escape. I always insist that I am happy and everything’s fine with us but it is so hard to pretend that everything’s really ok. Right now I am unsure if you are gnashing your teeth with me. You might be angry and you might not forgive me for being untrue when I told you that I wanted to be friends with you again. You know, it was true. I really wanted to be friends with you again. But I do not understand that I still cry myself to sleep every night. That I still care about you. That I become irritated when I see you happy with another girl. That every time I hear that same song, everything comes back again. That even when I want to tell that I hate you, it always mellows down to “I love you.” And that thing sucks. It is so weird, immature and helpless. I hate that I find it hard to move on and forget everything between the two of us, because every time I look back, it is still you whom I see.

Nevertheless, I am trying my best not to take a glimpse anymore, because the more I recall the past, the more I hurt myself. I want you to know that I am really sorry for taking some part in your life, for wasting your little time, for posting here how much I hate you (because there’s no other way, no freaking way I can free myself from the anxiety). I am sorry that you needed to pretend you were in love with me. I am sorry that you needed to give me gifts during occasions. I am sorry that you need to make everyone believe that we were an item. I am sorry that you had a hard time denying me. I am sorry that every time you see or hear about me your blood boils. And lastly, I am really sorry that I loved you.

This is going to be the last time you will be the topic of my post. Again, I wish you happiness. I hope God will guide you through your life. And now, I am bidding you goodbye. Yes. Goodbye. Now, I will finally let all of this go. And from now on, whenever I hear about you or see you, I will only remember you as a friend who passed in my life. Aurevoir.